White Death From Above

User Forum Topic
Submitted by Oxford on March 13, 2010 - 10:32am

So, I am looking out my bedroom window yesterday toward my backyard and noticed this beautiful egret gracefully cruising my back slope, thinking, what an impressive and mellow bird (I was thinking that and not the egret -- oh wait, he was prolly thinking that too...anyway...)

Eddie (yeah, I name things) goes into lock down mode and freezes over something he spots on the ground. His neck is coiled like a snake ready to strike. Imagining some poor helpless lizard is about to be lunch, I grab my binoculars for a better look at this unfolding drama.

Suddenly, he strikes his head into the ice plant and pulls out a fucking live gopher in his beak. I'm like, holy shit! Ed then puts Gary into gopher hell, clamping and mushing him!! THEN Ed swallows Gary while he is still squirming! I cringe but kinda dig it as steam fogs up the binocs. Next Ed just continues to stroll my San Marcos, REO neglected slope in search of more death, mayhem and lunch...which he finds in a few other critters.

Now I am thinking; "Dorothy, I don't think we are in La Costa Valley anymore."

OX
...another day at the OX Wild Animal Park
Ed In Flight

Submitted by afx114 on March 13, 2010 - 10:43am.

Piggington needs a "Like" button.

Submitted by Jumby on March 13, 2010 - 10:46am.

Wow, great story, thanks for sharing. Are you sure it was an egret though? A gopher seems to be too big for such a slight bird.

Submitted by CA renter on March 13, 2010 - 10:50am.

Great writing, ox, and a great story. Any way you can lend Ed to TG for his gophers?

Submitted by Oxford on March 13, 2010 - 12:00pm.

Yeah, it is an egret. Great egrets are big birds. He visits a few times a week. Sure beats those HomeDepot clamp traps.

OX
...putting ground hogs on alert

Submitted by Oxford on March 13, 2010 - 10:55am.

CA renter wrote:
Great writing, ox, and a great story. Any way you can lend Ed to TG for his gophers?

Thanks. Wish I could. Ed seems to have found his hood in my yard for now.

OX
...might snag rentanegret.com domain, however.

Submitted by sdrealtor on March 13, 2010 - 11:04am.

Funny I didnt see anything about White Death from Above in the disclosure package we got from the sellers.

It must have been an awesome show. Moe, Larry & Shemp (3 bunnies) have been ravaging my backyard. Does Ed have a pallet for bunnies?

Submitted by Oxford on March 13, 2010 - 12:01pm.

sdrealtor wrote:
Funny I didnt see anything about White Death from Above in the disclosure package we got from the sellers.

It must have been an awesome show. Moe, Larry & Shemp (3 bunnies) have been ravaging my backyard. Does Ed have a pallet for bunnies?

Yeah, odd that they didn't mention "carnivorous birds of prey" in all that stuff. Ed would love to gobble some rabbit. Leave a box of RITZ crackers on a silver platter by the door. Edward does have standards, ya know.

OX
...egret pimp

Submitted by capeman on March 13, 2010 - 12:15pm.

I've seen an egret swallow a gopher whole when I worked in Torrey Pines. I couldn't believe it.

Submitted by jpinpb on March 13, 2010 - 12:58pm.

Great story!! How cool.

Submitted by danielwis on March 13, 2010 - 1:23pm.

Oh good. For a moment I thought this was going to be a bad story about a bad case of dandruff.

Submitted by svelte on March 13, 2010 - 4:38pm.

About two years ago, I have one of those wonderfully beautiful egrets choose beneath my truck as his final resting place.

It was a nice spring day, he landed, walked under the truck and remained there the rest of the day. When I went out the next morning to go to work, I noticed he was still there. Unfortunately, he had passed during the night.

Very sad, obviously had an impact on me as I still remember it.

Submitted by paramount on March 13, 2010 - 5:22pm.

WTH is an Egret?

Submitted by sdduuuude on March 13, 2010 - 9:40pm.

To heck with TG, can I borrow Ed for a few days? We lost our dogs to cancer recently and the gophers are moving in !

Submitted by Oxford on March 13, 2010 - 10:42pm.

danielwis wrote:
Oh good. For a moment I thought this was going to be a bad story about a bad case of dandruff.

It kinda is.. cept the dandruff had feathers.

OX
...rinse and repeat this mofo

Submitted by paramount on March 14, 2010 - 12:03am.

Sorry, I didn't see the picture of the Egret. We don't get many of those out in the IE, the only thing we really have is yard chickens as far as birds go.

__//
/.__.\
\ \/ /
'__/ \
\- )
\_____/
_____|_|____
" "

Submitted by Eugene on March 14, 2010 - 1:23am.

Cool. Is that in San Marcos? I thought egrets only lived near water.

Submitted by urbanrealtor on March 14, 2010 - 1:29am.

afx114 wrote:
Piggington needs a "Like" button.

No shit.
That was an awesome story.

Submitted by CDMA ENG on March 14, 2010 - 9:04pm.

Eddie the Egret and Gary the Gopher?

You, my friend, have a new career in writing children's books. Just make the story ending a bit happier than this one!

:P

CE

Submitted by CafeMoto on March 14, 2010 - 9:21pm.

hilarious post, glad you shared it too

Submitted by scaredyclassic on March 14, 2010 - 11:10pm.

similar o the gothic realism in lemony snicket's SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, i prefer a nature story that ends brutally and honestly...

Submitted by temeculaguy on March 15, 2010 - 12:21am.

gopher attack

I'll give you fifty bucks if you can rent him to me for just one kill. The sonic gopher repellers arrived and they actually attracted the gophers, I had one hole in the lawn, after installing the sonic things, i now have 7 holes. They actually covered the solar panel with dirt yesterday. Where do you buy egrets? Can I buy egret eggs?

In the picture above, the green stuff is seed patch for areas that I am regrowing after the weekend gopher attack, before the gopher repeller arrived there were no holes in that area, in an effort to protect the area, i attracted them. I installed traps, poison and then gopher gassed the first hole, all this caused two new holes daily. I need egrets, entire flocks of them and I need them now!!!!

Submitted by temeculaguy on March 15, 2010 - 12:30am.

On second thought, it's probably better if you keep eddie away from my mutant gophers. Since you've named him and everyone already likes him, it would be such a downer when I have to report back that my prison gang gophers killed him, which I'm certain they would, there would only be a few feathers and a leg left behind. I'm gonna have to take it up a notch, How do you make mustard gas?

Submitted by CA renter on March 15, 2010 - 3:24am.

sdduuuude wrote:
To heck with TG, can I borrow Ed for a few days? We lost our dogs to cancer recently and the gophers are moving in !

Sorry to hear about your dogs, sdduuuuude. :(

Were they older dogs? Did the vet think it was strange to have more than one dog get cancer at (what sounds like) the same time?

Submitted by Casca on March 15, 2010 - 6:56am.

TG, I think you want to go with a chlorine gas, heavier than air, good for pouring down a gopher hole. Do take precautions.

Submitted by Oxford on March 15, 2010 - 8:53am.

temeculaguy wrote:
On second thought, it's probably better if you keep eddie away from my mutant gophers. Since you've named him and everyone already likes him, it would be such a downer when I have to report back that my prison gang gophers killed him, which I'm certain they would, there would only be a few feathers and a leg left behind. I'm gonna have to take it up a notch, How do you make mustard gas?

TG, Edward would have a two mile radius from your house gopher-free in one yummy afternoon. He was born for this and comes with all the tools. Not pretty to watch but he's a getter done kinda guy.

OX
...Edward the Egret Fan Club President (T-Shirts coming)

Submitted by investor on March 16, 2010 - 6:33am.

Am I the only one? Liked the story but do we need all of the swear words?

Submitted by scaredyclassic on March 16, 2010 - 6:59am.

fuck yeah

Submitted by scaredyclassic on March 16, 2010 - 7:00am.

obscenity no longer has to do with particular words. it's more substantive i would say. tvs bombard us with tales of child rape, economic mayhem...a simple fuck is refreshing. and not obscene

Submitted by KSMountain on March 16, 2010 - 12:53pm.

Loved this story. Keep 'em coming as far as I'm concerned.

My property recently underwent an inspection by two VERY self-empowered raccoons. If they decide to take time off from their evidently busy schedule and come back, I'll post a photo. These guys were HUGE.

Submitted by sdrealtor on March 16, 2010 - 1:04pm.

We probably need a thread for backyard wild life tails. About 6 years ago my next door neighbors cat had 3 am Battle Royale in my backyard with Bob Cat. She lived to tell about with one less life to show for it.

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