The Raven...Remix

User Forum Topic
Submitted by Mayer on December 22, 2008 - 7:01pm

Some humor for you guys. I thought it was a pretty imaginative take on The Raven for those who've heard or read the poem.

    Quoth the Trader, “Nevermore.”

      Late one morning one December
      in a year we’ll all remember,
      Writing Christmas poems
      had turned into quite a chore,

      While I nodded, nearly napping,
      suddenly there came a tapping,
      As of someone gently rapping,
      rapping at my office door.

      “Tis some visitor,” I muttered,
      “tapping at my office door-
      Only this, and nothing more.”

      Open wide I flung the entry,
      stood there like an ancient sentry,
      In there stepped a haggard trader
      who’d been up since half past four.

      Not the least obeisance made he;
      not a minute stopped or stayed he;
      But, with mien of lord or lady,
      walked in from the trading floor-

      Stood next to a bust of Soros
      on a shelf well past the door-
      Stood, and sighed,
      and nothing more.

      Then this battered soul beguiling
      my sad fancy into smiling,
      By the grave and stern decorum
      of the countenance he wore,

      “Though thy P/L has cratered,
      you’ll get better soon or later,
      Ghastly grim and somber trader
      wandering from the trading floor-

      Tell me what thy problem is
      found upon the trading floor!”

      Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

      As he stood there slightly smirking,
      doubts I’d long felt vaguely lurking
      My subconscience let emerge
      and push their way out to the fore.

      “Though our P/L’s been stinking
      and our share price swiftly sinking
      Surely I’m right to be thinking
      that the worst is in Q4?

      When will we return to normal,
      back the way it was before?”

      Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

      “Come now, fellow,” I cried, shaken,
      “surely thou art quite mistaken!
      There is sovereign wealth fund buying
      risky assets soon in store.

      Banks will soon enough start lending,
      start consumers back off spending
      Bring a swift and tidy ending
      to our all feeling quite poor.

      Don’t you think that GDP growth
      soon enough will exceed four?”

      Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

      Was he simply trying to scare me,
      overwhelm me, or just dare me
      To get out of my positions
      I’d put on the year before?

      Though they trade at distressed prices,
      my sangfroid is cold as ice, as
      I have made it through the crisis
      marking them at eighty four.

      “Don’t you think if I hang on
      I’ll find a bid at eighty-four?”

      Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

      My portfolio’s diverse,
      moving on from bad to worse.
      Managing a long-stock book
      had proven to be a chore.

      As I glanced back at my screen
      I took on a pallid sheen
      As the S&P careened
      below its key supportive floor.

      “Will the Nikkei ever rally
      back towards where it was in ’94?”

      Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

      Then, methought, the air grew denser,
      perfumed from an unseen censer
      Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls
      tinkled on the tufted floor.

      “Wretch,” I cried, “Satan’s thy master,
      he hath sent me to disaster
      Tell me, who hath fallen faster,
      me or hedge funds shuttering their doors,
      Causing panic on the streets
      of London, Moscow, and Lahore?”

      Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

      As the floor began to darken,
      a footstep I faintly hearkened,
      Followed swiftly by another rapping
      beat against my office door.

      In stepped an HR director,
      leering like Hannibal Lecter
      ‘Twas not my place to correct
      her as she told us what’s in store.

      Then she escorted the trader
      by the elbow out and off the trading floor.

      I saw him again - nevermore!