A simpler life

User Forum Topic
Submitted by scaredyclassic on August 22, 2019 - 9:52pm

Lately I am filled with this fantasy that I did not become so hormonally driven at age 13, that sex didnt drive and torment me the next 40 years, that I went against the grain of my peers, never tried to be noticed or special, got some simple job, lived at home, avoided all the headaches of work and family and debt and education and everything.

That I hadnt been such a pretentious fool.
That I hadn't pretended to like things I dont.

That I hadn't wasted so much time

That I hadn't been so desperate and afraid.

That I had been true to myself.

It could not have happened and how else could I have been anything but what I was but jeez, all this bullshit, for what? To pass it on?

For a smart quote unquote guy im pretty dumb. I am an impostor, a dope, a ridiculous human.

When I started 7th grade, I had this suspicion that the school administration was going to hypnotize me and everyone and change us into something bad and mess with our brains during auditorium. My plan was to scratch my name in the arm rest of the auditorium wood seating as the hypnosis began so I would remember who I really was in case they did it and made me different. The year was 1976. I wasnt certain they do this but I had a feeling. I'd smoked some weed for the first time a few days earlier with my druggie pal. I felt strangely unvhildlike but not endlessly horny...that was coming soon.

In a way I was right, but the hypnotic impulse was all internal, basically chasing women, wanting to be loved desperately, to be recognized. All my life has been a desperate ungrateful flailing at phantasms

Or maybe those bastards did screw up my brain back in 1976. Should go check the armrests. Maybe the clue is there still

I remember the hypnosis suspicion 43 years ago more clearly than I recall last week. I guess I'm grateful for everythingbive been thru to be here and for my beautiful family. It's all just so foolish and ultimately...absurd.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on September 5, 2019 - 6:07pm.

PCinSD][quote=scaredyclassic wrote:
PCinSD wrote:
FlyerInHi wrote:
zk wrote:

And also, if you had been more pressured as a child maybe you would have been a valedictorian, Rhodes scholar, concert pianist, etc.... at that time, your competitive advantage would have been so much greater.

Wow, Zk, I'm so sorry about the way you're parents raised you. All that untapped potential . . . gone. Were you able to overcome the lack of proper parenting? Have you made peace with your parents?

I'd pick up a decent keyboard and start taking lessons asap. Hang in there.

I think there's an argument that if the kid has a burning desire to be rich or famous, its usually to fill some gap in the parents life. If your kid just wants to be unknown, you probably didnt lsy your failings on them.

Me I really wanted to be famous, and still do. Most days I walk around feeling like there's something great in me if I could just get out

You don't post any links to support that argument, but whatever. Your posting history seems like someone who has a burning desire to be famous, or more popular, or paid attention to. Don't despair. On this website, you've become the man you've always wanted to be. Hopefully that filled the gap.

oh I desperately wanted to be famous and recognized. pathetically so. still do, but not as bad. kind of like the Andy Bernard character on THE OFFICE, but maybe even more pathetic, if that's possible. and yeah, it's definitely a sign of issues.

I don't have a link handy, but this isn't a highly controversial issue.

and no, this is not enough. I need more.

Submitted by FlyerInHi on September 6, 2019 - 8:09am.

scaredyclassic wrote:

It feels like udner this type of thought process, no criticism is possible.

if i were to say capitalism is a brutal unsustainable system that makes life miserable for huge chunks of american society in an unjust society that eventually will consume all of the earth's resources and kill us all, i would perhaps be simply blaming the system for the failure of soem people to be winners.

or maybe making a valid point about capitalism.

Sure I can and will necesarily still be responsible for my own financial affairs in our unjust capitalist society, and im still accountable, while also realizing I didn't create the system , the incentives, and to some degree, my success within the system is not all mine, since it is in part genetic, part where and how I was raised, and which opportunities crossed my path.

blame. fault.

insight. understanding.

you choose.

How dare you? You’ve been given so much. Love it or leave it! But don’t you ever criticize.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on September 7, 2019 - 10:50am.

I've been reusing the same free Starbucks plastic water cup for about a month. It's the least I can do

Submitted by FlyerInHi on September 7, 2019 - 1:53pm.

Scaredy, I wonder how being non judgemental would work.
People don't do bad stuff because they know peers would not approve.

My dog would not jump on the sofa because I would judge very harshly. It worked beautifully.

Submitted by FlyerInHi on September 11, 2019 - 12:47pm.

T Boone Pickens just died. I think I would have liked to be rich and famous like him.
He was likely not a nice guy but he was rich and powerful and did what the wanted. Why not, if you can?

Submitted by scaredyclassic on September 13, 2019 - 7:29am.

FlyerInHi wrote:
T Boone Pickens just died. I think I would have liked to be rich and famous like him.
He was likely not a nice guy but he was rich and powerful and did what the wanted. Why not, if you can?

All these desires lead to more desires, next thing you know you're reincarnated as yet another striving unsatisfied creature

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