Multigenerational housing fantasy?

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Submitted by scaredyclassic on July 5, 2020 - 10:09am

This is just in the daydream stage, but my kids all are or want to be living in sd.

My wife thinks im living in fantasy land, but what about in a few years, or hell, this year, selling this temecula place and buying a mcmansion in sd like maybe 4s ranch and offering them all free rent.

Maybe theyd go for it...free. the rent is so high there. Id throw in some free future day care plus ill cook.

But..

Girlfriends...maybe wives, kids...it vould get crazy.

Wouldnt bother me tho. Everyone else might get crazy.

And what about the cactus farm. And my 1,000 germinating seeds? Need some room.

We all had such a good time together yesterday. They were excited to be together.

They seem oddly sympathetic to me, like theyre figuring out that im just some small struggling dude trying to make my way .

Its always a little scary to come home and see your folks a little more shrunken and wrinkly and grey.

Pitiful. But educational.

I need to stay alive, i think they all still need me.

What money buys is help to get kids on their feet.

This type of thinking, these desires, this is what the buddha says is the cause of our suffering. Desires for things to be other than they are. Some days i feel i am just starting to see clearly.

Submitted by svelte on July 5, 2020 - 1:13pm.

I don't know you or your kids, so I'm just speaking in the general sense.

Kids need to get out on their own and explore. It's what they want and what they need.

Most late teens early twenties are content coming to see their parents on their own schedule...That way they stay grounded in reality but still have the opportunity to explore without parental interference.

In many cases the parental home feels like "the rock", the one thing in their life that doesn't change. For that reason, it is sorta desirable for you not to change homes at this phase of their life - they can come home and the place is just like it was when they were kids...it gives them a sense of continuity, reassurance.

Once they get through school, they can always move back home and take a job locally. That's what happened to us with one of our kids. When life hit a rough patch, they came back to the nest as long as they needed to get back on their feet. Come to think about it, that's what I did to my folks too. Moved back home for about 4-5 months in my early 20s.

It's really nice to have that buffer to rely on. I don't think you need to follow your kids around - they'll find you when they need you.

When my wife and I moved to SoCal, my father thought just like you are thinking. He talked about selling the family homestead up north and moving to San Diego. I discouraged that and it never happened. We still saw plenty of each other, but we still had our own space and didn't have to worry about mom and dad spending all their free time at our house. :-)

I think it is important for a parent to be supportive without being overbearing.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on July 5, 2020 - 3:00pm.

Yes.

I agree.

It was a nice passing fantasy.

I think i am meant to be where i am.

Lots of room for rough patch crashing. Parking for 20 cars or more.
Hellishly commutable to most so cal locations.
Nearly paid off.

Submitted by svelte on July 5, 2020 - 7:19pm.

scaredyclassic wrote:

Some days i feel i am just starting to see clearly.

I know the feeling. Several times in the last year I've had an epiphany about why something is the way it is, then my next thought is usually why did it take me all these decades to figure that out?

It's pretty humbling.

Submitted by gzz on July 6, 2020 - 12:13pm.

Sharing a large lot with multiple houses with family sounds nice. Not so much a single house, even a big one.

Seems like most houses in 4S ranch are 3500sf on 5800sf lots with no grassy yard. Wouldn't 2 houses on a 8000sf lot work better?

Submitted by scaredyclassic on July 6, 2020 - 1:50pm.

gzz wrote:
Sharing a large lot with multiple houses with family sounds nice. Not so much a single house, even a big one.

Seems like most houses in 4S ranch are 3500sf on 5800sf lots with no grassy yard. Wouldn't 2 houses on a 8000sf lot work better?

in the clear light of monday, it seems like maybe this was a bit nutty an idea.

Submitted by svelte on July 6, 2020 - 7:16pm.

scaredyclassic wrote:
in the clear light of monday, it seems like maybe this was a bit nutty an idea.

Not nutty. I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind when my kids started wandering off.

It's an idea hatched in the heart, not the brain.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on July 10, 2020 - 11:30am.

svelte wrote:
scaredyclassic wrote:
in the clear light of monday, it seems like maybe this was a bit nutty an idea.

Not nutty. I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind when my kids started wandering off.

It's an idea hatched in the heart, not the brain.

in SHTISEL, the youngest son lives with the father. that show informs on so many topics

Submitted by barnaby33 on July 12, 2020 - 10:54am.

Hellishly commutable to most so cal locations.

Redneckula's new town motto.
Josh

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