assisted livig

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Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 25, 2019 - 9:51am

helping my mom move.

man its expensive.

hard to save for this.

eventually we all die broke.

Submitted by gzz on May 25, 2019 - 12:54pm.

I know a couple that just moved into the non-assisted living part of La Jolla Sands and love it. it sure is expensive. Maybe living in Mexico with a full time live in nurse for $10k in salary and 5k a year in rent would be cheaper for many people.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 25, 2019 - 1:17pm.

i want to hunker down in my house with my dumb little life routine as long as possible, but in reality, a few years go by, and one is incapable or dead.

this really made me laugh. roz chast, new yorker cartoonist, drawing the tale of her parents decline and death. much funnier than it sounds.

Can't We Talk about Something More Pleasant?: A Memoir https://www.amazon.com/dp/1632861011/ref...

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 25, 2019 - 4:12pm.

the foolishness of storage units is often talked about...but just moving ones stuff is kind of a loding proposition. paying 10k to move stuff that might fetch 1k or less, because, well its yours and youve had it so long.

THE SWEDISH ART OF DEATH CLEANING speaks to this but its not funny like roz chast.

many, every year u can hang in there with your normal life and avoid assidtance its like your making 40k. the best real financial investment may be yoga and a gym membership to leave any $ behind.

Submitted by FlyerInHi on May 25, 2019 - 4:27pm.

scaredyclassic wrote:

many, every year u can hang in there with your normal life and avoid assidtance its like your making 40k. the best real financial investment may be yoga and a gym membership to leave any $ behind.

Yes, and that’s why I live a clean life. People who abuse their health with junk food and bad lifestyle will be paying for it one way or another.

Submitted by FlyerInHi on May 25, 2019 - 4:36pm.

scaredyclassic wrote:
i want to hunker down in my house with my dumb little life routine as long as possible, but in reality, a few years go by, and one is incapable or dead.

Forgive me, but that’s why I think a house with acreage is a such a waste of time unless you have staff. I pity my cousin’s husband who takes care of their beautiful yard day in and day out. He changes flowers at different seasons, but nobody but them ever sees the yard. They live outside New York and they are resisting their kids’ call for them to move to a condo closer to them.

If you hunker down, scaredy, eventually in your old age, your yard will be left to be a wild mess.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 25, 2019 - 5:24pm.

and yet, the labor may keep me alive

my wifes forner construction worker dad is in his 80s with diabetes a heart attack a rare autommune disease still working in his yard. eats crappy.

my "healthy lifestyle" dad checked out at 72. gym member. etc.

still no one gets out alive.

i like my yard.

Submitted by svelte on May 26, 2019 - 9:23am.

Been going through this with our parents too.

One parent would help their spouse when health failed, but when that spouse passed and the remaining spouse's health failed things got trickier.

Fortunately for us, our remaining parents have wanted to stay in their home right up to the bitter end and we have had siblings who were at a point in their life where they wanted to live with and assist the remaining parent.

So far, we've been able to keep them in their homes. On my side, after my mom passed and my dad remained at home right up until the day he died.

On my wife's side, it is working out similarly but we'll find out more this summer as her health is failing very rapidly and we don't expect her to make it past August.

Of our four parents, one died of a car accident and three will die of cancer - 2 lung cancers and a breast cancer.

Submitted by The-Shoveler on May 26, 2019 - 1:44pm.

You can always sell the house and downsize into a condo,

Once you downsize into a condo, trying to go back to a SFH may be a bit challenging,

My brother in-law regrets his decision to downsize (too early).

Now being retired he cannot afford to move back to a SFH.

After living in a SFH all his life, living in a condo is very limiting.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 27, 2019 - 9:26pm.

it seemed terrible to me, ecologically, economically to be an old guy knocking around in a way too big house in the boonies. but fuck it, it has a decaying awful beauty to it.sure its inefficient. sure it would make more sense for a growing family. but the hell with that. here, i take my stand, is what i thought, riding my ebike to work. I AM GOING TO MAKE MY STAND HERE, i thought forcefully, then later thought i wasnt quite sure what i meant to say by "my stand", but if you were there, that is, in my head, i think youd have gotten the sense of it. i am going to die here, hopefully doing heavy yard work at 92.

Submitted by gzz on May 27, 2019 - 10:02pm.

Scaredy, some Rosemary Clooney and honky tonk piano just for you:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lrUYcmdjPDw

Submitted by The-Shoveler on May 28, 2019 - 7:58am.

Developed Land- Despite all the hand wringing over sprawl and urbanization, only 66 million acres are considered developed lands. This amounts to 3 percent of the land area in the U.S.

Even along the coast it is a small percentage.

It only looks large because we are small and in the middle of it.

Submitted by FlyerInHi on May 28, 2019 - 8:18am.

I would rather retire in a condo above a shopping center, or busy street.. It would be so nice to walk down to UTC or Fashion Valley. There should be a supermarket, food court and many restaurants. At least I would have visitors all the time.

My friends who retired early from LA to Temecula are starting to regret. Friends can only visit twice a year, not much more than that. And if there’s a holiday party, it will be in conflict with another party that someone else is hosting closer to the city. My electric car cannot make it to Temecula and back so i have good reason to decline.

60 miles is insane. If you think in terms of kilometers and compare to London, or NYC, you’d be way out in the countryside.

Submitted by The-Shoveler on May 28, 2019 - 8:44am.

Not everyone works or is from downtown SD.
Or even wants to go anywhere near there.

Submitted by gzz on May 28, 2019 - 11:53am.

A retirement to a condo inside a mall sounds awful.

I’d prefer being Scaredy’s tenant in his doublewide Gulfstream
trailer. Shopping can be covered by Amazon.

Submitted by FlyerInHi on May 28, 2019 - 12:36pm.

gzz wrote:
A retirement to a condo inside a mall sounds awful.

I’d prefer being Scaredy’s tenant in his doublewide Gulfstream
trailer. Shopping can be covered by Amazon.

To each is own.

But if mixing residential and commercial were so awful, they would not be a market for it and developers who try would go bankrupt. So why regulate what the market can do more efficiently?

The developers of UTC had to abandon plans for condos because of community and political opposition. I say let the markets decide and allow developers to build condos above the mall. That might even save the malls in USA. I’m pretty confident there’s a market for it and price would get bid up.

For retirement, I want to live in a convenient tourist desirable location so that I have a stream of visitors come hang out with me. More fun when friends and family visit.

One of my cousins just died of cancer. I am also friends with her kids who have young families. They are invited to visit me anytime. I have places for them to stay.
Social isolation in retirement with everything ordered on Amazon is a sure way to get fat and die early.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 28, 2019 - 1:05pm.

https://www.vox.com/2016/6/10/11905390/l...

im not sure what percentage of the actual earth is covered by buildings, but I think we are pretty much covering the entire nation is asphalt and light.

The night sky is disappearing; basically we are living in a haze of light and noise.

Maybe I’ll just move to joshua tree, live in a cabin. The night sky is apparently still maybe visible there, in the park.

Very difficult to foresee how one will feel at 65, 75, 85.

Loneliness and isolation probably aren’t good for you, but all these damn people arent so great either.

Yeah, joshua tree. 2 hours of yoga, 2 hours reading, maybe a part time job.

Nothing is really that great when you’re decrepit is the problem.

Submitted by The-Shoveler on May 28, 2019 - 1:06pm.

For retirement I think no one would be looking for a multi-level condo IMO but what do I know.

My mothers Single level Condo on a golf course is Ideal for her. Walmart and Amazon show up at the door no problem (actually they show up no problem at my place and I am quite a ways out in the boonies, have not tried dinner dash yet).

She has not played much golf lately but her friends still meet up every morning.

Submitted by The-Shoveler on May 28, 2019 - 1:08pm.

"pretty much covering the entire nation is asphalt and light."

Not really take a flight up the west coast (even that is almost empty).

Submitted by The-Shoveler on May 28, 2019 - 1:20pm.

"mixing residential and commercial"

(Condo above commercial building).

Personally I think these are tomorrows strip malls.

I guess it would work for young singles and maybe some childless couples.

Submitted by FlyerInHi on May 28, 2019 - 1:56pm.

Joshua tree is very in for hobo type hikers. No far that from Palm Springs and much cheaper.
I was thinking about buying a piece of land and building a house with my own bare hands. But after doing some research, it’s just too costly to bring in utilities, pay architect for plans, etc... better to buy an existing house.

Submitted by FlyerInHi on May 28, 2019 - 2:13pm.

-

Submitted by FlyerInHi on May 28, 2019 - 2:24pm.

The-Shoveler wrote:
For retirement I think no one would be looking for a multi-level condo IMO but what do I know.

My mothers Single level Condo on a golf course is Ideal for her. Walmart and Amazon show up at the door no problem (actually they show up no problem at my place and I am quite a ways out in the boonies, have not tried dinner dash yet).

She has not played much golf lately but her friends still meet up every morning.

My cousin and his wife have a retirement condo at Laguna Woods. They remodeled it very nicely. They also own a big isolated house in Northern California. But the wife is social and she likes to be Laguna Woods, near her friends and family, even-though the condo is modest. Laguna Woods is very active with lots of social events for the residents. But, in my view, too organized and Disney like for old people.

The husband is kind of a loner so he prefers the house up north. Because the wife wears the pants so she decides where to go. So the house sits empty most of the time. What a waste! If it were me, I’d want to rent it out on Airbnb.

My cousin really wants family to visit and see his house. He’s especially proud of his new bathroom. But I told him jokingly (but seriously in mind) that if I visit up there, it will be once and only once. To me, anything too isolated should only be visited no more than 1 time.

The only place isolated that I visit is up the Hudson River from NYC. That’s where my relatives are buried and that where my dead mid-west cousin will be transferred for burial. I might even be interred there eventually, if they’d have me. Once my caretaker cousin is gone, the kids might visit the graves once in a blue moon. But in the end, the weeds will take over.

Submitted by The-Shoveler on May 28, 2019 - 5:04pm.

My mothers condo is in a suburb of LA "Valencia" (very much like Temecula only without the casino).

It is walking distance to shopping and a decent sushi as well as a good Mexican restaurant.

Yet very quiet.

Anyway a good place for her, me I am not ready for that (maybe 20-30 years).

I like where I am, 15 minutes to town and no one bothers me LOL.

And on clear nights I can see the milky way, I think most live in cities and suburbs, once you get about 10 miles away from the towns the sky comes alive.

Submitted by temeculaguy on May 29, 2019 - 12:19am.

Good for you Shoveler, Valencia is a great place to retire if you can afford it, I grew up there and while it is in LA county it doesn't feel like it is. It has to feel good knowing your mom is in a nice town.

One thing I haven't seen discussed is long term care insurance. I realize many companies have gotten out of the business and those who have remained have increased prices to unreasonable levels. But for those who got policies years ago, keep them in force. For everyone here, there may be help on the way. Currently most people liquidate and give inheritance away while living so they can get medicare to cover the cost, but most piggs are savers and want another option.

Ignore the stuff in this Forbes article about "middle income" and "median IRA," I'm guessing if you are on this site your 401k balance will not likely be 50k at retirement.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/howardgleck...

I bought my LTC policy 20 years ago, in my low 30's and no longer need to make payments. But I had to buy my wife's policy in her late 40's at 4x the price and have to pay forever, I'd welcome the tax deduction. My policy only pays $150 a day with an inflation adjustment (probably at $200 a day by now) so it wont pay for the lavish oldster place i have in mind but it will take the sting out of it. The govt should encourage LTC plans with tax incentives as without them, these people will be on the governemnt's dime.

If incentives do happen, my advice is to take advantage of them asap and as young as possible. We all pay for fire insurance yet very few of us will have our houses burn down, yet all of us will get old and most will need care. *disclaimer-I do not sell insurance, but I do sleep better having lots of it. Perhaps I'm too optimistic the feds will approve of these proposed incentives, they seem to make too much sense for government approval.

Submitted by temeculaguy on May 29, 2019 - 12:24am.

FlyerInHi wrote:
My electric car cannot make it to Temecula and back so i have good reason to decline.

Thank god for the little things in life.

Submitted by temeculaguy on May 29, 2019 - 12:54am.

FlyerInHi wrote:
The-Shoveler wrote:
For retirement I think no one would be looking for a multi-level condo IMO but what do I know.

My mothers Single level Condo on a golf course is Ideal for her. Walmart and Amazon show up at the door no problem (actually they show up no problem at my place and I am quite a ways out in the boonies, have not tried dinner dash yet).

She has not played much golf lately but her friends still meet up every morning.

My cousin and his wife have a retirement condo at Laguna Woods. They remodeled it very nicely. They also own a big isolated house in Northern California. But the wife is social and she likes to be Laguna Woods, near her friends and family, even-though the condo is modest. Laguna Woods is very active with lots of social events for the residents. But, in my view, too organized and Disney like for old people.

The husband is kind of a loner so he prefers the house up north. Because the wife wears the pants so she decides where to go. So the house sits empty most of the time. What a waste! If it were me, I’d want to rent it out on Airbnb.

My cousin really wants family to visit and see his house. He’s especially proud of his new bathroom. But I told him jokingly (but seriously in mind) that if I visit up there, it will be once and only once. To me, anything too isolated should only be visited no more than 1 time.

The only place isolated that I visit is up the Hudson River from NYC. That’s where my relatives are buried and that where my dead mid-west cousin will be transferred for burial. I might even be interred there eventually, if they’d have me. Once my caretaker cousin is gone, the kids might visit the graves once in a blue moon. But in the end, the weeds will take over.

Too late to take back my previous insult so I guess I'll apologize instead. I have great pity for you Brian. Your urbanite elitism usually irks me but I am oddly saddened by it now. My wife and I are up to a combined 6 kids, 3 kid in laws and 11 grandkids, something I usually complain about because there is a birthday or a graduation seemingly every two weeks. Granted it is a blended family connected to blended families but your comments made me realize something. They all love coming to Temecula and that's why I cannot downsize from my 5 bedroom 4 bath house (plus two pull out couches and a loft with cots. Because we get visitors almost weekly and usually they come in bunches. Only a few live in So Cal, some live out of state but I recently complained that we had people here 4 weekends in a row. The facetime calls with the grandkids come every night, so often that my nudist instincts have been thwarted and I have to wear pajamas at all times because as I walk in a room my wife is on a facetime call with a 4 year old who wants to talk with papa. Then it hits me, I'm the patriarch, the youngest graduated from college last weekend and when it's all said and done my brood may be closer to 15 or 20 grandkids, encompass 4 races and speak 3 languages other than english. So when your next electric car has a longer range, you can come to my fair city because I think you will find the utopia you seek and the multicultural fantasy you dream of is alive and well, just so happens to be in the places you despise.

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 29, 2019 - 5:43am.

dammit. ltc insurance.

my mom has it.

im alreafy so insred

life. 2,000
cars. 6,000
earthquake 1,800

forgot ltc. thatll kill the whole fragile set up.

i suppose the passing fantasy is i kill myself when shit is bad. but hard to do.

its kind of risky to have some but not a ton of money when old..

maybe its time to give it away a bit at a time.

shoot.
i think just giving it away too late can result in medicare clawback? not sure

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 29, 2019 - 5:45am.

no idea if this info is correct but it makes sense...

https://www.elderlawanswers.com/medicaid...

you cant just give away your $ and get state paid care

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 29, 2019 - 7:11am.

i would really like to have 11 grandchildren. thatd be 3.7 per kid. tough goal to meet. ill take whatever i get.

a high yield seems to increase the odds one would really like me. of course with big numbers, one will have real problems too.

my mom has 5, but only my little one age 16 not so little calls her regularly and talks to her, like an hour a week. not sure why they connect, but...hes a sweetie

my wifes folks have 12!

2 of them go to church with them every sun, and they are all old...

like ltc, its all risky.

dementia, seems like a nobrainer to killself, but hard to find my gun

weak body, hard to get the nerve up to killself, also hard to go get my gun.

theres a lot to be said for going out like my dad. was playing paddleball all morning, felt great, lay down to read a bridge magazine, died of a massive heart attack. go out on top .

right now i honestly feel better than i ever have in my life. no meds. sleep great. not even that stressed out, by scaredy standards. for normal people, youd probably be running out the door 4 emergency xanax rx.

but this goodness cant last

my mom gave me the ancient chess set my grampa played with me every single time i went to his place. so old. theres a spool for a lost rook, i recall handling that, 50 years ago. i remember the box

did he paint the spool black or my gramma. whered he lose the rook, their apt was so empty and spare, minimalist before minimslist was cool...poor, i guess? couldnt have lost it there. there was barely anything there.

i wonder if he got really upset over the lost rook, like i wouldve.
honestly i doubt it. he was a super chill bro, tall, very sharp dresser, always cool and funny.

but maybe he lost the rook in younger days when every piece mattered? or he had more crap. he had a thriving business, lost in the depression, played it safe and minimal after that

i dont know... grampa really liked me.

we flew kites a lot and fed pigeons. he had rooftop pigeons when he was younger and knew how to handle even wild pigeons. was graceful

we slept over a lot but i cannot recall at all where? the floor? no idea. but i remember the chess set and the spool like it was yesterday

he only had 2 grandkids, but me and my brother were extremely high quality... at least thats how he made me feel ..plus we only lived 3 blocks away, visited a lot.

i recall feeling he was always slightly amazed and perplexed by us, always impressed by our being, a constant surprise and delight. im not exaggerating. he was never for a minute irritated or bored by us

when i was in my 20s i remember really wanting a son. i would imagine him sitting on the couch with me. i was single. no girlfriend. kind of undateable...just a few years later, it felt like id almost willed the boys i raised into existence by dreaming about him. silly. but it does have a magical feel about it, that you think of a child and he appears. where theres a will, there's a way...

i can kind of see unborn grandchildren out there, countless potential humans waiting in a dark space, each intrigued by the possibility of their existence, but also happpy to be pure potential, waiting for the chance to be born, to win the lottery and play chess with me. sad in a way that thats 1st prize, but, theres free room and board too.

im pretty sure they will like me

my poor grampa had a rough decline. tough to ponder. i was a disengaged teen. my mom was so helpful

now i miss my grampa and im crying and i need to go to work

Submitted by scaredyclassic on May 29, 2019 - 2:46pm.

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